Okay, I’m only going to do this once and get it off my chest. But geez louise could something good happen around here? We are due for something positive without even the slightest hint of double-edged swordiness.
Thank you, facebook.
I am going to recap this past year, and I’ll be totally honest with all y’all, it’s going to be a bit of a pity party. I know the people who are in my life already know the extent to which this year has totally sucked ass monkeys, but I’m hoping this exercise will be cathartic and help me to move forward.
May 2012: Our “year” started more than a year ago. We found out we were expecting a baby! A week after that news, we found out Jeremy’s job was being eliminated and we would have to leave Billings, MT. At least his boss gave him plenty of head’s up.
June 2012: Our baby miscarried. We named him Joseph Mary. The worst part was we had just made the Big Announcement that we were expecting so we had to be all like “just kidding.” It was bad.
July 2012: Despite numerous resumes sent all over the nation, no job offers yet. Around this time I started a good habit of walking approximately 2 miles every morning around the scenic neighborhoods of Billings, with Stephen tagging along in the stroller. That was nice.
August 2012: We sold our better car to help finance our upcoming move to a Place that was Yet to be Revealed to us.
September 2012: We put our perfect house on the market and moved away from Billings to Rio Rancho, NM for the sole reason that Rio Rancho was the only place to offer Jeremy a job. I wouldn’t recommend that strategy to anyone. Also in September we found out we were expecting a baby! Because of this, it becomes impossible for me to secure health insurance in New Mexico because insurance companies will not accept new clients with a “preexisting condition.” Such as pregnancy. We resorted to Medicaid and thank God we did. It was one of the better choices we made this past year.
October 2012: Our house wasn’t sold yet, so we were paying a mortgage payment plus rent on an apartment that turned out being more expensive than we had thought it would be. We made some great friends through our church, and that was really nice.
November 2012: Jeremy stoped receiving new assignments in the mail from Magnificat. It was clear that after 5 years as a solid employee, they were terminating his contract without offering any notice or reason. He supposed it must be related to internal company politics. At least they continued to send complimentary subscriptions to our home.
December 2012: We discover that for some reason, it is not possible for us to run the heat in our apartment if we also want to take a hot shower. We may have started noticing this in November, but now it’s really starting to get old. Also in December, we get a solid offer on our house in Billings! Things keep getting slowed down for one reason or another so we don’t actually close the sale.
January 2013: We sold the house in Billings! Whew, now it will slip onto 2013 tax year filings which is actually extremely fortunate. Also in January, Jeremy has a meeting with his boss during which his boss pretty much tells him he is doing a horrible job at work. Without offering any positive feedback or ways Jeremy can improve his performance. I think the complaint boiled down to Jeremy wasn’t kicking enough kids out of the church religious education program. Or something. Sorry folks, it’s the truth. Around this time we realize that we are deeply unhappy and we start seriously considering moving away from New Mexico, but we resolve to give it at least a full year before we decide. Also in January, Jeremy and I join a class at church that will walk us through the process to renew our consecration to Mary.
February 2013: We find out there is Something Wrong with our baby. The perinatologist outlines some stark possibilities and recommends for us to move before baby is born if moving is what we want to do. We reconsecrate our family to Mary. “To Jesus, through Mary!” We need all the graces we can get.
March 2013: Every time we go for a prenatal appointment there is more hard news. We also get all our papers together for filing taxes. At least we don’t have to file a house sale. We also decide definitively to move. Jeremy gives 30 days notice at work and his boss tells him to clear out immediately. I’m paraphrasing. Jeremy’s car needs an expensive repair to make it road trip worthy. We have to sell our piano because we can’t afford to move it again.
April 2013: Taxes are a bitch and a half. We have to break our lease contract to move out now, so we also get hit hard by the management company. They don’t consider losing your job and a medical hardship grounds for waiving fees. At least they agree to let us pay over 4 months and they don’t charge interest. Moving cleans out our bank account. Goodbye savings. Goodbye house sale profits. Goodbye all the generous gifts our amazing family and friends bestowed upon us. Thank God for our amazing family and friends who helped us in our need. We road tripped to Ohio and that was really nice.
May 2013: We moved in with my parents thanks to their generosity. Lots of prenatal appointments for Agnes, with bad news becoming the norm. U-haul over charges for our “u-boxes,” you know, like we can afford extra expenses. We place both our student loans in forbearance and I transfer the last $20 from savings into checking so our check to Costco doesn’t bounce. Thank God I did it in time. At least it wasn’t too difficult to get set up on Ohio Medicaid and they even gave us food assistance. Without those government programs, we would be done for. I don’t care what you think about “hand outs” but I am extremely grateful for those programs. I’m sorry I’m stealing your hard-earned paychecks. Also in May, Jeremy picks up a part time gig as a pizza delivery driver.
June 2013: Still paying off the apartment management company in Rio Rancho. Still banking frequent-visitor points at the hospital. Still trying to find things that are boxed up from the move. More bad news about Agnes. Whatevs, bring it. Agnes is born! Let the fun begin. We practically live at the hospital as Agnes endures surgeries and the complicated recovery. She is “chromosomally enhanced.” I like to think about it that way. I miss Stephen because I don’t get to spend much quality time with him right after Agnes’ birth.
July 2013: I’ve talked about all this stuff in depth elsewhere on the blog. We’re also still paying the Rio Rancho apartment managers $320.12 a month for 4 months. At least Agnes’ care is covered under Medicaid. Thank God for Medicaid. Agnes does start improving which is really nice. It must be because of all the wonderful prayers everyone sends up for her!
August 2013: Our year is still rolling. At least this month was our last payment to the Rio Rancho apartment. Now maybe we can start saving again. Jeremy’s car is broken again–the same thing that was supposedly fixed in March. Agnes just gets more and more complicated. Now she is getting a tracheostomy and a g-tube. The trach is going to necessitate around-the-clock vigilance which means a home health care professional will be spending the night here every night. For some reason, that upsets me more than the trach part. Jeremy has decided to go to nursing school himself, an idea that was maybe kicking around for a little while but finally decided when Agnes was in the NICU and we witnessed those nurses up-close.
I don’t know what the year will bring, but I’m hoping things will turn around. I’m also going to take real actions to make myself feel HAPPY again. Seriously, it’s been since May 2012 when I would say, “yes, I am generally a happy person and I like my life.” I’m going to join a gym, start following a household budget that includes savings again, try to make better eating choices, and join the church choir. Hopefully when I look back at this post in 3 or 4 months, I will wonder why I sounded so down.
Okay. I’m done. I got the complaining out of the way, now I’m going to go be positive. I’m positive. I’m positive.
Laughing, Weeping, Living 
Dear Judy and Jeremy———I wish that I could just hug both of you. Some of my life was very difficult too. But all the hardships have become my Blessings—it doesn’t seem like that time will ever come, but it will—stay close to God and our Blessed mother. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. You both have been such an inspiration to thoes of us who have been able to share your story. Judy keep writing–you have a real talent and depth feelin.
Love and prayers—Kay Becker (Billings)
Judy, please follow through on your plan to do something for yourself such as a gym membership and joining the choir. When my boys were both little (and let me say forcefully that I wasn’t facing NEARLY the stress you are) I just HAD to get out of the house and away from my beloved husband and babies sometimes. I took classes and made a few friends and it made a huge difference in the way I felt about myself and my family. Please know that you are loved!
From what I’ve read (and it has been quite a bit of your blog), I’ve assumed you are generally a pretty positive person. I frequently laugh when you slip sarcasm or jokes in to your posts. I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through in the past year. I don’t think you should have to say you are sorry for pointing out it was tough. I hope the upcoming stretch improves for you guys. 🙂 We send our thoughts!
Hi Judy,
My heart really goes out to you reading this. I don’t blame you one bit for feeling down, that’s totally normal after what you’ve gone through in this past year. It is the sort of thing that is hard to say anything about without sounding silly or trite, so I won’t go into a bunch of pep talky things- but I will say, it’ll get better, you’ll get through it, even if it doesn’t seem so at the time. You’ll get to what your “new normal is,” and when you do, the sunshine will seem all the brighter. We share through different prisms the same Lord, and He is faithful even if He kinda doesn’t promise an easy time of it.
I think you are doing the right thing. The exercise is wonderful for you on many levels. I also encourage you to continue to support, as you absolutely are, your wonderful husband. Everytime bad stuff happens to my family I feel an almost overwhelming anxiety as a father, head of household and provider. No doubt Jeremy feels this way as he works hard to not only pay the bills today, but to reinvent himself to secure your future. That’s so hard and I give him all the credit in the world for doing it. Sounds like a great guy 🙂
Best,
Rob Howard
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