Laughing, Weeping, Living

Life happens. You laugh about it or cry about it, sometimes both.

Nose Dispenser

on September 9, 2013

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr [that’s a drumroll, btw]

Agnes is coming home tomorrow!

Unless, of course, something goes horribly wrong. But that is not likely. Jeremy and I have fulfilled our caregiver trials, and my parents, too. The home care nursing has been totally lined up for all seven days of the week, and all Agnes’ equipment and supplies are in the house. Supplies that include…nose dispensers. The thing about tracheostomies is, they are essentially an open tube that leads directly into a person’s airway. People with normally functioning airways breathe through the nose and mouth, which serves to humidify and warm the air before it gets to the lungs. People with trachs bypass the nose and mouth, so the air that goes through the trach tube is chilly, dry room air. That is, unless there is an HME on the end of the trach tube. That is a Humidity and Moisture Exchanger, also known as an artificial nose. The HME traps moisture from a person’s own exhalations, then the new air passes through the humidified filter, thus supplying moisture to the new inhalation. It’s a pretty neat invention, and the noses come packaged in a box with a tear-away flap like you see on a box of tissues or on a box of pop cans. The HME’s come packaged in a nose dispenser. Hee. Hee hee.

100_1764

100_1766It will be a relief to have Agnes at home, though I confess I feel kind of numb about the news. It’s hard for me to feel strongly about Agnes news anymore, whether the appropriate reaction is excited, angry, sad, or whatever. There is just so much thrown at us, and so quickly, that I’ve become exhausted by extreme emotions. Plus, Agnes’ condition changes literally from hour to hour some days, so there is no point in investing in an emotion. Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is I am cautious and reservedly excited about Agnes’ homecoming tomorrow. And, I’ll believe it when I see her in bed at home. And, I’m well aware that it’s not impossible that something will come up to delay her homecoming. And, I’m afraid to feel excited because that will open up a place for me to also feel extremely nervousscaredterrified-paralyzedsaaaaaaaaaagh.

So tonight I will be organizing Agnes’ equipment and gear, and making sure I know where all her stuff is stored, and putting sheets on her bed, and cleaning house a little. Part of my task will be to weed through Agnes’ clothes and pull out the suits that are now too small, and the suits with zippers. Since I need access to Agnes’ g-tube every three hours, zippers are not practical unless I feel like leaving Agnes half-undressed for each feeding. I do want to give a shout out to Cheering on Charlie. I just got your package today. Thank you again for sending Agnes some snappy baby clothes!

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4 responses to “Nose Dispenser

  1. woodra01 says:

    So glad you got them! 🙂 Good luck with bringing Agnes home 🙂

  2. Kathy Schwager says:

    Here’s hoping everything goes well! What else do you need for Agnes? How can we help?

  3. Kay Becker says:

    You are in my prayers.

  4. Penny Clifton says:

    Can you imagine what a hell your whole team would be in if you did not have the intelligence , bravery, and word powers to give such articulate voice to your feelings? If you were internalizing it, or projecting it onto others or being all passive aggressive with it? This blog of yours is not only the key to your sanity but someday another woman like you will be referred to you and , because of you, she will not feel alone . I admire the weakness you are strong enough to embrace, Judy .

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